I think I'm afraid of missing it too much. Of realizing that I actually do. Because it's been quite out of sight out of mind for me. And that's helped. But now I'm confronting it. Our past. And it feels so soon.
Oh how I've missed our friends. Our community. The food. Auntie Em's, Alegria, Yuca's, the Taco Zone truck on Alvarado, Kogi Truck, the natural hot dog truck in front of Silverlake Wine on Thursday nights (I guess we ate from trucks a lot)... and yeah. We've missed the house. I wrote about that. It's no secret. But...
One thing I know for sure... I will NOT be driving by the house.
This trip back sort of feels like confronting an ex only a few months after the break-up while wounds are still fresh. How will you feel when you see them? Devastated? Or happy that things worked out the way they did? How will they look? Will it be easier if they look miserable? Perhaps. But in all honesty, I really want them to be happy too. Kind of like this...
I'm walking into court when I suddenly see L.A. out of the corner of my eye. Shit. Do I say something? Or keep walki--- too late. L.A. saw me and is heading this way.
ME: Oh my god, L.A.! It's really you! Wow. Wow.
L.A.: Stephanie. Wow. Look at you.
ME: Yeah. It's good to see you.
L.A.: It's good to see you.
ME: No. Really. Wow. I can't believe it's been... what?
L.A.: Two months.
ME: Is that all? Seems longer.
L.A.: You look... happy?
ME: Oh yeah. I am. I'm happy. I'm great. Totally. We're doing awesome.
L.A.: What are you doing here?
ME: Oh, just... you know... just court.
L.A.: Court? Shit. Why? What happened?
ME: Nothing. It's no big.. it's nothing. Just quick in and out. Yeah, so you're looking good. Hot, actually.
L.A.: You think? Wow. That's... unexpected coming from you.
ME: No, you look really hot. Like on fire, hot.
L.A.: Now that you mention it...
ME: Seriously burning. Inferno. Like, melt your skin off kind of hot actually...
L.A.: You look like you might have lost a few pounds.
ME: Huh. Thanks. Well, I've been running a little. Not as much as I should.
L.A.: Yeah, I can tell.
L.A.: Nothing. Go on.
ME: I've been busy. Really busy. You know. Work. Family. Chicago.
L.A.: How is Chicago? Humid?
ME: No, the weather has been perfect. Cool. Not too hot.
L.A.: I see.
ME: Chicago is such a great city. It's good to be back. We love it. I work in the Loop.
L.A.: Oh , the Loop. Wasn't there a shooting there yesterday?
ME: Well, we should be going, actually.
L.A.: Yeah, me too. I'm really busy too.
ME: I should let you get back to dowsing flames and what not. Being the center of the universe.
L.A.: Excuse me?
ME: You know what I mean. Never mind.
L.A.: Okay, well you take care.
ME: Wait. L.A., we had some good times, didn't we?
L.A.: (no response)
ME: We did. But what's in the past is in the past and... well, you never know what the future holds. But I mean this in all sincerity... I hope you're happy. I really do.