Pages

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Grace in foreclosure

Are you starting off 2012 in foreclosure?

If the answer is yes, I'm very sorry. I've been there. I know how hard that is.

According to a story published today by CNNMoney,

"One in every 624 U.S. households, nearly 211,000 in total, got hit with some sort of foreclosure filing last month."

Starting off a new year with a foreclosure notice is not ideal. Not at all.

I get it. Bob and I received our intent to accelerate just days before Christmas in 2008. We know how challenging it can be to try to be optimistic and empowered when you don't even know if you're going to have a place to live months down the road.

It can be so overwhelming. Just know that you are not alone. Not by a longshot.

What can you do? 

Well, there are so many things you can do. But so as not to add to the overwhelm, the biggest thing you can do is face this potential foreclosure with grace and integrity.


What does that look like?


At the most basic level, it looks like a clean house.

Yes. Keep your house clean. Continue to love it. Treat it nicely. Take good care of it. That is especially important if your house is on the market.

I know that keeping your house up might be the last thing you feel like doing when the bank is threatening to take it away, but it's the right thing to do.

And, it will help you confront this challenge with grace.

When we realized that we wouldn't be able to keep our house in spite of everything, we decided that we were going to do everything in our power to find a buyer in a short sale scenario who would love the house as much as we had.

That meant that we had to take care of it. Yes, it can be exhausting keeping the house show-ready month after month after month after month. But, doesn't it feel good?

In the face of foreclosure, you can choose the path of destruction or the path of grace and integrity.

Choose grace. For yourself. And for your future.

What ways do you face your foreclosure with grace and integrity?

Foreclosures Climbed in January - CNNMoney

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Get your FREE copy of Love in the Time of Foreclosure today - one day only!


 Happy Valentine's Day, LITTOF readers!

My Valentine's Day gift from Bob was a Dunkin' Donuts coffee delivered to me in bed this morning. And my gift to you is a copy of my eBook, Love in the Time of Foreclosure.

Yes. That's FREE. For just one day.

If you haven't read it yet, why not take a chance today. At least load it up on your new eReader.

Dick Gordon of The Story with Dick Gordon called it
“A genuine human adventure.”


Sara Clemence (co-founder of RecessionWire.com) said: “There are life lessons in here for all of us.”

Janelle Brown (author of “This is Where We Live”) said: “Walker’s personal real estate horror story is wrenching and emotionally honest, as she explores the impact of home ownership on relationships, dreams, and self-identity.”

And a woman in my mom’s book club said that Love in the Time of Foreclosure is “Enchanting and addictive.”

Enchanting and addictive!

So, what are you waiting for? Get your free Love in the Time of Foreclosure today.

How?

Go to my publisher's site - Outpost19 - look at the left column and scroll down until you see this:

Outpost19 offers
epub versions for
non-Kindle devices
and apps:







Click on the "Outpost19" icon to download your free non-Kindle version of the book. When you get to checkout, enter the code "LOVE."

Happy Valentine's Day.

And enjoy!

P.S. We need your help to spread the love today. Please help us by sharing this blog post on Facebook, Twitter or wherever you hang out. For your convenience, you can just click the social media share buttons to the bottom or the left of this post. Thank you!

P.S.S. This special is for a non-Kindle version of the book. That means you won't be able to read this version on your Kindle, but you'll be able to read it anywhere else. Computer, iPad, etc. It's an .epub doc. If you have any questions about this, please leave them in the comments so that others who have the same question can see the answer. Thank you!

like this heart? sara jensen designed it.

Enhanced by Zemanta

Monday, February 13, 2012

A frank conversation with Valentine's Day



Yo, Valentine's Day...

I'm not down on love.

I'm not down on romance.

I'm not even down on Valentine's Day, per se.

What I'm down on is the pressure of Valentine's Day.

It is totally possible to have a perfectly lovely Valentine's Day. Yes. It is possible.

Just like it's possible to be happy in the face of pretty sucky circumstances.
 
It's possible to experience love on a day that seems to be designed to make most of us feel like our love isn't the right love.

Yes, Valentine's Day. You did hear me correctly. You are designed to make us all feel like losers in love. No matter what.

If we're single we're losers because we don't have someone to be with on your day.

If we're in a relationship, we're losers because our relationship doesn't look the one put forth in the glossies or the ads. Whatever it is, it's not enough.

I'm a total sucker for romantic stories and movies. So I've been wondering why just the idea of a day dedicated to love and romance paralyzes me so.

I think it's this idea of perfection. And one day. Like I have this one shot to perfectly express my love for Bob in order to feel like everything is right in the world. That I'm doing the right thing. That I'm with the right person and our marriage is on the right track. Right. Right. Right.

Wrong.

Too much emphasis on right only leads to wrong.

Because there is no such thing as "right."

There's only what we say is true.

There's only what we create.

But you don't emphasis that, do you?

It's in your best interest for us to feel inadequate because that way we'll spend more money on flowers, chocolate, lingerie and bling in order to feel RIGHT.

You set this up so well. You're so sly, VDay. You tap into that part of us that makes us desperate to prove how perfect our love is and how loved we are. You want us to spend as much money as possible as a way to go from feeling wrong to feeling right about ourselves. About our relationship. And in order to erase any loneliness we might be feeling.

In fact, you want us to feel bad about feeling lonely, don't you? As if loneliness itself weren't bad enough. We all get lonely from time to time, Valentine's Day. Whether we are single or married. We get lonely. Why? Because we are human. And loneliness is a perfectly normal and acceptable human emotion.

You want us to be terrified of loneliness. As though being lonely on Valentine's Day is the worst thing in the world. You want us to feel like we did in third grade when we were so fearful of being the only one in class who didn't get a homemade valentine. You want us to remember that feeling and organize our lives around making sure it never happens again.

You want us to think that if we are alone on Valentine's Day that means we will be alone for the rest of our lives.

But that's not true. Not at all. I mean, think about it. It would be like me believing that if I'm mad at Bob on Valentine's Day then I'm going to be mad at him for the rest of my life. And then I'll end up alone and we're back to the loneliness.

You know what I most dislike about you, Valentine's Day? 

That you make me feel incapable of adequately expressing the love I have in my heart for Bob.


Here's the thing. Of course I'd love to be able to show him how much I love him by surprising him with a fancy sports car with a big bow on top.

That'd be nice. He'd love that.

Or whisk him off to some tropical location for the weekend. He'd love that too. We'd both love that.

But I can't. Kind of have this debt we're paying off, see?

So what is it about you that has me want to spend money I don't have?

It's like I'm afraid if I don't then it means my marriage is missing something.

Really, Valentine's Day? Really? Is that how you want me to feel?

Really?

Seriously.

So, let me get this straight.

You're saying that if I spend more money than I can afford to buy my husband the perfect gift that makes him feel like he's 18 all over again
and I give him that gift with the perfect card with the perfect message
and I wear lacy lingerie just this side of naughty that makes my boobs look like I'm 18 all over again and I light candles
and wax my body
and tantalize his senses with perfume and aromatherapy
and I cook him a meal made for a man with sophisticated palate that also makes him feel comforted like he's at home with me... something like slow cooked short ribs and garlic mashed potatoes
and I bake him a chocolate cake with some sort of hot chocolate pudding lava center that we eat together and that has us wanting each other in a way that we haven't in a long time...
that he will fall in love with me all over again?



And in turn, he will look even sexier than Brad Pitt in Thelma & Louise
and he will say all the right things in just the right way
and he'll give me those earrings I admired that day that we were walking by that shop in the neighborhood and I will love them more than any gift he's every given me not because of the earrings, but because it will show me that he was listening. He was listening.
and he'll hang on every word I say with the utmost sincerity.
and our conversation will be mutually fascinating like we are the two most fascinating people in the universe.
and he'll gaze at me as though I'm the only woman in the universe
and he will make me feel like everything is absolutely perfect and that I am without a doubt the most beautiful, accomplished, sexy, brilliant, powerful woman in the world.

And that is how Valentine's Day is supposed to be.

Right?

What?

No?

Ridiculous expectations?

But, Valentine's Day, that's not the message you send. You make it seem like that IS how it's SUPPOSED to be. And now you're suddenly saying I'm the one with ridiculous expectations?

Let's get real.

This is how it normally goes:

Every year. I tell myself and Bob that I don't care about Valentine's Day because it is a stupid and contrived "holiday" and I will not be caught in it's net of stupid expectations and childish fantasies about what real love is. I won't spend money in order to prove that our marriage is romantically on par with the best marriages in America... or what the magazines and movies say a romantically healthy marriage is. No. It's dumb.

We're happy. We're in love. We don't need to prove it to each other. We express our love every day. In different ways. In a look. In a kiss that lingers longer than usual. In our daily routines. The sharing of our lives. The way we parent together as partners.

We have nothing to prove to Valentine's Day.

We don't need to plan anything. Nope. We'll do what we always do. We'll eat dinner together as a family. We'll laugh at something adorable that Malcolm does. We'll get frustrated when Pablo begs for table scraps and even more frustrated when Malcolm throws his food on the floor for Pablo. We'll get frazzled when Malcolm screeches that he wants down and we don't get to finish our dinner.

Then we'll take Pablo and Malcolm for a walk. We'll relax. We'll look at the moon. The stars. We'll be in the moment. We'll give Mallie his bath, put him down to sleep, then snuggle up together and maybe watch a movie. Or just listen to music and talk. Yes. Perfect.

And it's settled. That's my ideal Valentine's Day. Being happy with my life exactly the way that it is. Yes.

But then something happens as you get closer, Valentine's Day. I panic. I don't know why, exactly. Maybe it's the amount of Valentine's Day e-mails I get (I'm clearly on too many of these lists) or the plethora of stories about how to have the perfect perfect perfectist day that proves just how perfect you are and how perfect your life is... or maybe it's the inordinate amount of conversation hearts I've consumed in the last 24 hours.

But, it happens.

I admit it. I allow you to suck me in.

I get anxious. I did it again, I think. I planned NOTHING for Valentine's Day and it's TOMORROW.

What's wrong with me?! What does this mean? Who am I? Am I a terrible wife? Boring? Lazy?

I worry that if we do nothing to celebrate, that I'll feel left out. I already do. I feel left out.

Why does everyone else get chocolate?
Why does everyone else get champagne, fancy dinners, a night out worthy or red lipstick, back rubs and sex?
Why do I have to be "above" it?

I want romance. I want love. I want lingerie.

I get desperate. I start thinking of ways to make this the BEST VALENTINE'S DAY EVER.

There's still time to rectify this. No problem.

Right?

Wrong! This is a problem. There's not enough time. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

I'm here to tell you this, VDay: This one day is not a telltale for our future.

Stop making yourself so important. Seriously. You need to stop.

Oh, I need to stop?

I'm the one making you so important?

You're just you? You're just a day. A day that someone invented. And I'm the one giving you power and meaning?

Damn it! I know. You're right. I already knew that. And yet. And yet... I let you suck me in for a second.

It's a good thing I sat down to write this blog post because who knows what I might have done. Most likely I would have made Bob's life miserable by comparing him to Brad Pitt in Thelma & Louise. What man can compare to that?! I would have just continued to invalidate myself and my marriage.

Because that's what we do when we measure our lives up against unrealistic expectations.
 A "perfect" Valentine's Day, just like a perfect ordinary day, isn't something that just exists. It's created.

And it has nothing to do with how much money you spend or how delicious a meal is.

Just like happiness is not a static state of being, neither is romance or love.

Romance and love are created feelings/emotions/moments.

Circumstances have nothing to do with romance. The circumstances in life rarely line up to create romantic moments all on their own. More often they seem to conspire against romance. At least against our pictures of what romance is.

So what to do?

Appreciate the love in your life.

Laugh when the perfect meal you were planning goes up in flames.

When the cookies you bake him end up being literally, "The worse cookies in the world."

Laugh at yourself. Laugh with each other.

GIVE the gift of unconditional love to others.

If nothing else, Valentine's Day is an opportunity to practice being the love we seek in our lives.

How do you celebrate Valentine's Day? 
Do you hate it?
Love it?
Please share in the comments below!


Check out this blog post on the subject:

Valentine's Day and Emotional Spending - EducationCents

Enhanced by Zemanta

Monday, February 6, 2012

wanting and needing and everything in between: the beauty of a basic budget

There are things I want.
Source: fab.com via Stephanie on Pinterest


There are things I need.















There are things I want but don't need.


There are things I need but don't want.

And there are things I want to need but don't need to want.

(I have yet to find an example of that last one.)

The beauty of a fine-tuned, tediously crafted budget

The other night Bob and I sat down and worked tediously through our tedious and extremely tight budget. Did I mention it was tedious? We have a shared Google doc with our budget and lots of tabs. One of the tabs is our queue of things to buy that don't fall into our regular budget categories.

In this queue we have prioritized the expenses that fall outside of our budget.

We have the things we need to buy now (a new windshield to replace the cracked windshield before it shatters.)

Things we want to buy but don't necessarily need to buy them, though they would make life easier. (Such as a steam mop. And a Dustbuster.)

Those are just two examples. The point is that we have gotten really specific and vigilant with our finances. The goal is to take all the guess work out of spending and saving.

While working through this process, I noticed two things.

Thing 1
It's a lot easier to distinguish between want and need when the stakes are extremely high and resources are limited. If you have $5 and you're hungry, you're not going to spend that $5 on a tube of tinted lip balm when you already have three in your bag and spending that $5 means you don't get to eat. No. You're going to buy a sandwich instead.

Last week, I was a guest at my mom's book club. Yes, my mommy got her book club to read Love in the Time of Foreclosure for their January book selection. (Best. Mom. Ever.) Anyway, the discussion was really wonderful. One of my mom's friends brought up Maslow's Hierarchy of Need.
via Wikipedia

She said, "It's easy to be concerned with self-actualization when you're living in abundance."

That really hit home. Especially because I have been thinking about that a lot lately.

Another way of saying that is that it's easy to be concerned with your personal psychological development when you're not flat broke. When you're not in foreclosure. When you're not unemployed.

When you're in that space of needing to fulfill fundamental human needs like shelter, food, water, breathing... you have no room or space to waste on wondering, wanting or any kind of existential concerns. It's all about providing. And the stakes are high. This is survival mode. (Notice that none of Woody Allen's characters are flat broke. At least not Owen Wilson's character in Midnight in Paris.)

Obviously, there are so many reasons why it's not appealing to live every day in survival mode. Especially when it's not your choice. But there are those people who actually choose to live here. Christopher McCandless comes to mind immediately. He was the Emory College graduate who gave away all of his belongings to live off the land in Alaska. Into the Wild is the book by John Kraukauer about Chris McCandless. (I highly recommend it.)

So there is something appealing about only having to worry about our most fundamental needs. About eliminating even the space to want. I definitely romanticized that notion different times throughout my life.

And I experienced the Zen of it when we were selling everything. Yes. It's wonderful to be set free from the material. It can be incredibly freeing if you have the ability to face it with a positive mindset.

Back when we were facing foreclosure it was a lot easier to avoid buying things we didn’t need because we didn’t have the money to even make that choice. We didn’t have to think “Do I really need this?” Because the answer was usually NO. You don’t. And we were so highly focused on the task at hand—saving the house.

Years go by. We begin again. We get back on our feet and begin to build up savings again. We get some room. We’re more comfortable. And foreclosure and short sales and mortgage payments are firmly in the rear view. That's when the wanting begins.

I've begun looking at property listings online. I gaze at houses and imagine a life in those images. I create entire worlds and stories. And then I shut it down. It's easy to do that with something as big as a house. Not so easy with the little things.

Things like a latte at the local coffee shop. A breakfast out. A new pair of jeans. On sale, of course. I want clothes. I hate mine at the moment. Bob and I haven't bought new clothes in years. Literally. Sure, I bought a sweater here and a pair of underwear there. And I've traded my clothes in for a few new items at Crossroads. But that's it. We both really want new clothes right now. But do we need them? Well... that's a little harder to answer.

It's not like we'd be walking around naked without them. So we don't need them for physiological reasons. But we do need them for reasons of esteem. The fourth layer in Maslow's Pyramid. It's just under the top. And this is how we categorize our needs. We don't need it to be safe, but we need it to feel good about ourselves. About our lives. That area can become so hazy so quickly that it requires constant checking in.

And that's what leads us to the second thing I noticed while budgeting with Bob.

Thing 2

When you budget with a fine tooth comb and really track your spending, there are no grey areas.

By budgeting every single penny (as incredibly tedious as it is) you actually eliminate the hazy area. It either fits in the budget or it doesn't. Every fiber of my being HATES sitting down to budget and track our expenses.

But (after a lot of internal and external kicking and screaming) once I give myself over to the process, I find freedom. I know myself well enough to only allow an hour maximum for this type of penny tracking at one time. And that helps. The knowledge that I won't be sitting in front of our spreadsheet for all eternity, but just for an hour.

It's been not only freeing to have this sort of command over our spending, but it's also been great for our marriage. I've been so unwilling to track our spending THIS closely that Bob has felt completely alone in regards to managing our finances. And that is so unfair. And just plain dumb.

For 2012 I'm done being dumb. Financial freedom happens through action. Not wanting. Not hoping. Not wishing or fantasizing. Action. That's it. And for us, that action is sitting down once a week with our budget and putting cross-checking, counting pennies and debriefing with each other on where we succeeded and where we failed that week.

Being able to know the difference between what you want and what you need is critical.

But it's okay to want even when you don't need...

As long as it's in the budget.

Enhanced by Zemanta

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Guest post on Zillow - 5 things to do if you're facing foreclosure

I'd like to send you over to Zillow.com today to read the post I wrote for them as a guest blogger--

5 Things to Do If You're Facing Foreclosure...


Screen Shot of my guest post over on Zillow.com
Thanks for heading on over there to give it a read.

As always, I hope you'll comment and share it if you like what you read!

Danke!

-Steph

P.S. Bob didn't get his wish of selling 25,000 copies of my book for his birthday. But he did have a wonderful birthday. And the book is doing quite well on Amazon today! As of 2:29 today, Love in the Time of Foreclosure is #12 in the Kindle store for Kindle books in the Real Estate category. And it's #89 in books in the Real Estate category. That's in ALL books. Not just eBooks! Check it out:




Enhanced by Zemanta

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

It's Bob's birthday and we're giving away a Kindle Fire and a copy of LOVE IN THE TIME OF FORECLOSURE

This is Bob. (The one in the hat)


He is my husband, the father of my child (the cute kid in Bob's arms,) the love of my life, my best friend and partner in adventure.

Today is Bob's birthday.

What better way to celebrate Bob's birthday than to give away a brand new Kindle Fire Tablet?!

Bob loves new technology and Amazon's Kindle Fire is one hot new piece of technology.


The Kindle Fire has a 7" touch screen display and retails for $199
Specs from Amazon:
  • 18 million movies, TV shows, songs, magazines, and books 
  • Thousands of popular apps and games, including Netflix, Hulu Plus, Pandora, and more 
  • Ultra-fast web browsing - Amazon Silk
  • Free cloud storage for all your Amazon content
  • Vibrant color touchscreen with extra-wide viewing angle - same as an iPad
  • Fast, powerful dual-core processor
  • Favorite children's books, graphic novels, and magazines in rich color

We're not only giving away the Kindle Fire, but also a copy of the eBook, Love in the Time of Foreclosure. We wouldn't want to give away an eReader without any books to read!

So this is my first time attempting a giveaway and I'm using this really cool new company called Rafflecopter to help me do it. You'll see a box embedded in the post below. That's where you enter the giveaway. It will track entries and select a winner randomly. Just make sure to please follow the entry instructions.

The giveaway runs for one week. The winner will receive their Kindle Fire just in time for Christmas!

Now back to Bob for a moment. As I said, today is his birthday and he's a little shy about it... which is clearly why I'm blogging about it (such a mean wifey.)

Here's how sweet and amazing my husband is: when I asked him what he wanted for his birthday, he said all he wanted was for 25,000 people to buy my book. No biggie. To help make Bob's birthday wish come true, you can buy my book, Love in the Time of Foreclosure, here. And you can wish him a happy birthday on Twitter or on Google+.

Happy birthday, Bob. Te adoro. May this year surprise and delight you with its extraordinary-ness and wish fulfillment. And may you feel five years younger than five years before. (That's an ancient adage that I just clearly made up.) I love you.

Now onto the GIVEAWAY! 

ENTER HERE:

UPDATE (12/7/11): The winner has been chosen randomly by random.org... and the winner is entry #104 - Megan Douglas! 

I decided to select a RUNNER-UP to receive a free copy of my book... Random.org chose entry #265 Heather. 

Thank you for playing! And Megan & Heather, please look for an e-mail from me.


Please note that it might take a minute or two for the Rafflecopter widget (the entry form) to load.

Monday, November 21, 2011

From the LITTOF archives: Being thankful in good times and in bad

This post was originally published on November 24, 2009 at LITTOF when it was on ChicagoNow.
A perfectly brined turkey (if I do say so myself)

Ever notice how it's so much easier to be thankful during good times than bad?

Of course. That's so obvious it doesn't even need to be asked. Of course it's easier to be thankful when things are going well. But... is it possible to be thankful when they're not? And isn't perhaps more important?

The last year has been hard on most of America. It hasn't been easy. We've been challenged in so many different ways. People have lost their homes, their jobs, loved ones. Nothing is certain anymore. Everything is changing. Long held beliefs have been shattered. It's... well, it's not been easy.

But, we're still thankful, aren't we? Shouldn't we be? Especially now when times are toughest? YES, YES, YES!

It's Thanksgiving week and I'm deeply thankful for so many things in my life. We actually celebrated Thanksgiving early here at the Walker household with four dear friends who flew up from L.A. It was such a wonderful weekend. It's so easy to be thankful for everything right now because things are really looking up for us. We have a beautiful place to live, we have unbelievably supportive family and friends, we made it through the most challenging two years of our marriage more stronger and more in love than ever, we have a new and improved outlook on life, the list goes on...
Early Thanksgiving in Friday Harbor 2009: Bob Walker, Brian Polak, Cece Tio, Steph Walker, Pablo Neruda, Jami Brandli and Michael Shutt

Times for us are good right now. And it's so easy to be thankful. But it was when times were bad that it was even more important.


Lately people have been asking us, "How the heck did you end up on that island?!" Just a year ago we were deeply entrenched in Los Angeles fighting with every fiber of our being to hold on to the life we had created. So how did we get from there to here? How did we get from that life to this?

There are a couple of answers to that question. One is the nuts and bolts.

-Bob lost his job
-We had no back-up plan
-Couldn't sell the house fast enough
-Economy tanked
-Housing values crashed
-Fell too far behind too fast
-Bank wouldn't modify our mortgage
-New combined salaries fell far short
-Started "Love in the time of foreclosure"
-Came days away from a foreclosure
-Sold the house in a short sale
-Got an offer from a LITTOF reader to live in a house on an island rent-free for two years
And here we are. All of that is true. But it doesn't explain everything. It's the space between that tells the rest of the story. That space was filled with our determination. Our promise to each other to flourish as opposed to flounder. To work as a team and communicate versus hide and blame each other. To become better people and turn the proverbial lemons into lemonade.

And how we managed that was by being thankful.

Being thankful especially when thing were looking most grim. When we were clear that this could very well be the end of us. That we could sink with the house and everything in it. When we felt like total failures and were helpless in the face of insurmountable circumstances... we were thankful.

When times were toughest is when we started actively practicing the art of being thankful. Each night before going to sleep we would try to remember to express at least one thing we were thankful for. On the worst days that one thing might be: "I'm thankful to be alive." Other days, it came easier and we would fall asleep while listing off the things for which we were thankful.

If I was in a depressed mood, Bob would say:

"Name one thing you're thankful for right now."

And I would answer. Sometimes reluctantly. But simply by sharing what I was thankful for I was essentially lifting myself out of my depression. No matter how bad things got, our lives were still filled with blessings. Even on the day we got our notice of default. Or when foreclosure notices were plastered on our garage door. We were always thankful for each other. And so much more...

Thankful for the unconditional love and support of our families and friends
Thankful for our health
Thankful for our resourcefulness.
Thankful for our education and upbringing
Thankful for the opportunity to grow
Thankful for the chance to set our priorities straight
Thankful for the opportunity to learn such important lessons so young
The more we grounded ourselves in the long list of things for which to be thankful, the easier it was to embrace the opportunity in the moment. With so many blessings in our lives, how is it possible to feel like victims? I believe it's not. And that's why we never did.

Today I am thankful for all the same things and more...

I'm thankful for everything I've learned
I'm thankful for having been courageous enough to take a leap of faith
I'm thankful for a wonderful place to live
I'm thankful to the owners of this house for trusting us and giving us such a gift
I'm thankful to have the opportunity to restart my life
I'm thankful for the ability to express myself through writing
I'm thankful for the courage to start this blog
I'm thankful for LITTOF readers and the support you've given me over the last ten months
I'm thankful for the gift and beauty of simplicity

I am honestly thankful for everything we went through in the last year. Because I now know without a shadow of a doubt that what makes me happy (and I'm happier now than I've ever been in my entire life) is love, family, friends, community and the adventure of living.

I don't miss the house. Because, I guess, it was never about the house. The house now represents an old model for happiness. My new model has nothing to do with anything material. And for that, I'm thankful.

Cece and Brian working hard and putting the kitchen to good use.

What about you? Do you practice the art of being thankful? 
What about during hard times? And for what are you most thankful?

Happy Thanksgiving!

(If you liked this post, please share it! Thank you!)

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Would you sell out your house in order to save it from foreclosure?


Here's the thing. I don't like the look of it either. I'm talking about those Bank of America ads on the Wabash Avenue bridge houses in Chicago. Have you seen them? Yeah, they're not pretty.

Our new mayor, Rahm Emanuel, signed a 30-day lease with Bank of America for that space, according to the Chicago Tribune. Why? To raise money, of course. Chicago needs it. Bad. And nobody likes this idea. Nobody.

But... I wonder...

Would you do the same thing if you could to save your house in foreclosure?

Would you, if you could, lease the roof of your house to Bank of America? Wells Fargo? Pepsi Cola? What about the front of your house? Would you wrap your whole house like a car in an Exxon Mobile banner?

No?

What if it was temporary and it meant you could pay off your mortgage?

Yeah. That's what I thought. You'd do it, right? Your neighbors would hate you for it. But you'd do it. And maybe they'd hate you a little less knowing that you just saved their property value by avoiding foreclosure.

I'd do it. Totally. To save our house? Heck yeah.

Actually, according to Bob that's not true.

I was telling him about how I was going to write this blog post and ask people if they would sell ad space on their houses if it meant they could save their homes from foreclosure. Here's how that conversation went:

BOB: We talked about that.
ME: We did?
BOB: Yeah. I totally wanted to do that.

ME: You did?

BOB: Yes.

STEPH: You wanted to sell ad space on our house?

BOB: Yes. I wanted to call Bank of America and see if we could lease them our roof space for a banner or something but you were totally against it.

ME: I don't remember that.

BOB: Well... probably because you didn't want to do it.

So, there you go. I apparently didn't even want to investigate the possibility of selling ad space on our roof to save our house. Funny how short the memory is. Bob was Mayor Daley floating the idea and I was the general public railing passionately against it even though it could possibly save our house.

Though I don't remember it, I can imagine that I was horrified by the thought of a Bank of America banner wrapping our house. But wouldn't I have at least wanted to try? Thinking about it now, I assume that I would have completely gone for it because, well, anything to save the house, right? Apparently not anything. And why not?

Everyone is railing against our new mayor calling this leasing of city property for ad space a huge mistake. And I get it. It is a slippery slope. No one likes to be marketed 24-7. And our architecture is so precious to us. We Chicagoans are extremely proud of our architecture. We don't want to taint it with obnoxious banners and corporate logos. We don't want to completely sell out, no matter how terrible things are.

Mayor Emanuel plans to bring in $25 million for the city through this sort of advertising. And if he's right, if it works, would it be worth it? I don't know. Feel free to chime in. Please. That kind of money could save a lot of jobs and programs, right? So it could be worth it?


And I'll ask again, if you could sell ad space on your house to save it, would you? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

For more information about the new ads downtown Chicago, check out these links:

Dear Mayor: Don't cheapen our public spaces - Chicago Tribune

Emanuel's ad quest for dollars not as easy as it sounds - Chicago Tribune

(The photos are courtesy of Bob Walker. Thanks for braving the cold on your lunch break, honey!)
Enhanced by Zemanta

Friday, November 11, 2011

LITTOF STORIES: Choosing Plan D

It's time for another LITTOF Reader Story!

What do you do when Plans A, B & C don't pan out? If you're like LITTOF Reader, Laurie, you choose Plan D.

That's right. That's what survivors do. That's what resilience is all about. And I'm all about resiliency. So I'm very excited to introduce you to Laurie- who prefers that I only use her first name. So, like Madonna she will be known by only one name. Laurie.

She e-mailed me back in January of this year to say that she was glad I had picked up blogging on LITTOF. In that e-mail, she shared that she and her husband began their modification/short sale/ foreclosure process when she was pregnant with their first child. They now have two children – a 19-month-old and a 3-year-old. It really shows how much life can happen in the face of foreclosure! Life goes on. Life is created. Children grow up!

Laurie wrote to me about their trouble and frustrations with HAMP. And her attitude while sharing about the insane runaround they received while trying to save their home, really struck me.
“We may end up in foreclosure and then bankruptcy like you.  It's all going to take time to tell.  Meanwhile, we love our home that we have remodeled and made our own.  But it is just brick and mortar.  We are excited about our future and the lessons we have learned, that we have each other.   We consider it the price to pay for this painful education we have received.”

Laurie and her husband experienced the nightmare of Fed-Exing payments during a trial modification only to be kicked out of the program for non-payment. Has that happened to any of you? I can't imagine. I've actually been hearing about that happening more and more. Yet in the face of that, Laurie remained positive.

So sit back and enjoy a conversation with Laurie about life in and after foreclosure and choosing Plan D...
           
LITTOF: First, tell us about the house. Where is it and how long have you lived there?

LAURIE: We moved into our first home in the spring of 2006. We moved out at the end of August 2011.  It was in a great suburban area of Northern California, the perfect family town.  We renovated and made it out own and really loved our neighbors, the park I walked the kids to every day and our garbage man, Carlo, who stopped by every Friday and took the time to say hi to our very excited son, Max.

LITTOF: What were the circumstances that led to your foreclosure?

LAURIE: My husband is in the construction industry.  When the economy tanked, banks quit lending and builders quit building.  My husband would go without a paycheck for months at a time.  We had really stretched ourselves, spending probably 70% of our income on our mortgage because we had faith that like our neighbors, our investment would pay off, prices would continue to rise, and we could refinance and be ok eventually.  

LITTOF: Please tell us about the process thus far.

LAURIE: In 2008 we knew we were in trouble.  Our home price had dropped by 30% and our income by 50%.  We contacted the bank right away and stayed in touch the whole 2 year process, first trying to modify, then short sale, then foreclosure with bankruptcy for protection.

LITTOF: How long did the process take?

LAURIE: The process took from fall of 2008 until summer of 2011.  Most of that time was in the roller coaster that is modification.  We were told something different each time we called.  

LITTOF: What has been the most challenging aspect?

LAURIE: The overwhelming lack of consistency and communication with the bank.  We were told erroneous information that would take us down one path and then months later, to find out it was wrong.  EX:  We were told our bank would accept a modification if we just entered into a trial mod for 3 months.  For 10 months we kept paying diligently and Fed Ex-ing payment in advance each month. 

I eventually had the case escalated to a corporate level to see what was going on because we were told during one of my weekly calls that we were kicked out of the modification due to non-payment, then again that same day that things were ok, and then again that we were denied the mod but they didn’t know why.  Corporate investigated and determined that our bank, “didn’t participate in modifications.”  What a waste of time.  

LITTOF: What has been your most triumphant moment thus far?

LAURIE: The day we decided to go with plan D.  We decided early on to come up with a contingency plan because we had heard lots of horror stories.  Plan A was a mod, Plan B was a short sale, Plan C was a foreclosure and D was bankruptcy (and foreclosure).

 Plan D became our realization and actually it was very freeing knowing we had really done everything right and tried our best and it was going to be over soon and we could move on.  Plan D allowed us to close a door and start planning for our future.  We knew everything would be ok once we set our sights on our new reality.

LITTOF: How are you able to stay positive?

LAURIE: Actually, I am a worrier and a control freak.  I unfortunately can easily get consumed with things.  I have always been very conscientious about bills and paying on time and my credit has always been excellent. The stigma and what our neighbors would think bothered me at first. I prayed a lot and got support from some girlfriends and made the decision early on not to let this get the best of me.  I am a Christian and so it was important for me to let go of my need to control things and give it to God.  I knew I would do my best to navigate the issues but ultimately I had no control over the final outcome and I knew I would be taken care of.  Things would be ok.  It might not be the way I would want it, but eventually, I would see it was a blessing in disguise.  It has been. 
 
LITTOF: What is your goal in all of this?

LAURIE: To take the road less traveled by.  The norm in our culture is to strap yourself down with debt, trying to have and be what the world tells you to.  We are living on a cash basis now, much more aware of our spending and our goals.  It opened our eyes to a way of life that is not on the rat wheel.  We are free, mobile, and most importantly are dreaming again, with our heads out of the sand.   

We are planning to rent until our kids are through elementary and then live in an RV…probably a 5th wheel toy hauler and travel the country, road-schooling our kids through the middle school years and teaching them by exposing them to things they would have only read about in books.  

It is fun to dream again and to plan our adventures.  We have a big map and put tacks on the places we want to see.  There are so many, we will have to narrow them down.  It’s fun to research them and figure it all out.  We have time, so it will be a work in progress.
 
LITTOF: What have you learned thus far?

LAURIE: Material objects can be a huge burden.  It is freeing to let them go. 

LITTOF: How are you better off now?

LAURIE: I am reminded of the song that goes, “I can see clearly now, the rain is gone….I can see all obstacles in my way…Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind…it’s gonna be a bright, bright, sun-shiny day.” 

LITTOF: Do you have a plan for the future?

LAURIE: Oh yes, family, fun, experiencing life to the fullest, and freedom. 

LITTOF: What advice would you give to someone who is either worried about losing his/her home or is actually in foreclosure?

LAURIE: It may be the best thing that has happened to you, giving you a new start and a new perspective.  Don’t waste your energy trying to stay aboard a sinking ship, if foreclosure is the direction you are headed, focus your energy on a plan for a new life.  A house is not a home. 

LITTOF: Anything else?

LAURIE: Just want you to know that your blog really helped me in a time when I thought I was the only one. Your honesty and candid thoughts on the subject as if happened were inspiring.  Thanks.

LITTOF: Thank you, Laurie. And best of luck in the future. I love your idea of road-schooling your kids! Keep in touch!

QUESTIONS FOR READERS - 

- Do you have a plan D? What is it?

- Have you experienced the same runaround in a trial loan modification? What happened and how did you handle it?

About the picture- I asked Laurie to send me a picture of what represents "HOME" to her today. And this is the picture she sent. I love it!

Send me your pictures of what represents home to YOU and I'll share them on the LITTOF Facebook Page. You can send them here: loveinthetimeofforeclosure@gmail.com


Here's a story about the trouble with trial loan modifications:
Enhanced by Zemanta

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

The secret to happiness

This is a chair:


And this is a person:


Wanting this person to be any different than they are, would be like wanting the chair to get up and walk across the room.

No matter how much I may want the chair to get up and walk across the room, it's never going to happen.

Because it's a chair. And chairs don't walk.

Wanting a person to be different than they are in any way IS just like wanting the chair to walk across the room.

It is.

No. It is.

Don't argue with me.

Wanting the people in my life to be different than they are is a waste of time.

Having expectations that they will be different than they are is a set up for disappointment.

Wanting someone to be different than they've been the entire time I've known them is a lot like the definition of insanity- Doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.

Wanting and expecting people to be more the way I want them to be as opposed to them being exactly the way that they are is not only insane and pointless, it's a lose-lose for both parties.

And it won't ever work. Much like wanting the chair to walk across the room.

Why not?

Because people are the way they are.

And I can't change them by wanting them to change.

So, what can I do?

Change myself.

Allow people to be the way they are.

Foster the ability to be great with people even when (especially when) they're not great with me.

Love them for who they are AND for who they're not.

And remember that people are the way they are.

And they're not the way they're not.

And a chair is just a chair.

And that is the secret to happiness.

The end.
Share

Widgets

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...