Limbo

Today's post is written by my amazing husband Bob. Two weeks ago I requested that he write one because I'd been missing his voice on the blog. Not to mention, I absolutely loved the post he wrote back in March- A Guy's Guy- and was craving another. I told him, "It better make me weep!" No pressure, right? Well, enough preamble. Here it is...

“Every limbo boy and girl
All around the limbo world
Gonna do the limbo rock
All around the limbo clock...”

That song popped into my head today. Ha ha! Now it’s in your head too! Make sure to either hum the tune or sing it in front of others. Nothing like passing on a tune you can’t get out of your head to others. That seems to be the only cure.

It reminds me of the earlier years, roller skating around the rink while "Limbo Rock" blasts throughout the building. A single file line is formed and one by one people skate under the limbo stick being held by two people, one on each end. Everyone goes through and falls down or touches the stick, eliminating them from the game until there is only one person left. The person left is the one who successfully arches down, bends sideways or backwards, and seems to be a contortionist by nature, as each round the stick is lowered closer and closer to the floor.

For me, when the limbo stick gets to a certain height, my mind starts acting up. “I can’t do it. It’s too low. I’m gonna fall...”

Limbo as a colloquialism is "any status where a person or project is held up, and nothing can be done until another action happens.”

Sounds familiar.

Sending out resumes for a job over a year ago
Putting the house on the market
Calling/working with lenders and creditors
Temporarily living in the Midwest
Filing for bankruptcy

Waiting.

“Limbo lower now
Limbo lower now…”

For over a year, life has been in limbo. Always waiting for another action, being held up until something on the other end happens. Something in someone else’s control. An action on the other end.

Actions like

A job offer
Offer on the house
Agreement on new terms
The right time to move
Court approval

It all boils down to

a request
a waiting period
and approval/denial of the request

It’s the waiting time that seems to make things go into limbo. Whether it’s taking too long, or I want to be somewhere else, or doing something else, that’s where limbo comes into play. It turns to anxiety, stress, disappointment, depression, fear, loss, heartbreak, hopelessness. The limbo stick is too low.

I’m a very impatient person. So for me, something that might take a month, may seem like an eternity and completely stress me out. Someone else may not even notice the time go by and think to themselves, “that went by fast!” They don’t even sweat it. That person has a bit more flexibility in how they're viewing that particular situation.

“la la la...”

Maybe if I step back for a moment, stretch, breathe and relax when the limbo feeling hits, I won’t be so concerned about how low or high the bar is.

“Get yourself a limbo girl
Give that chic a limbo whirl
There's a limbo moon above
You will fall in limbo love...”

I know that when Stephanie and I spend time together and reconnect, things tend to come back in to focus. Life tends to be a little less hectic and a bit more magical. The limbo stick seems to be high enough to stroll right under. Effortlessly.

“Don't move that limbo bar
You'll be a limbo star...”

The question I pose to you is... how low can you go?

-Bob

Read Bob's previous post "A Guy's Guy"

The August Blues (no more)

My entire life I’ve related to the entire month of August with serious mixed emotions. On one hand, it’s my birthday month and as a Leo I’ve always loved my birthday. Like really loved my birthday. BUT, on the other hand, August is also the end of summer. The end of sunshine and swimming. The last month of freedom.

The start of August would cause a sense of anxiety and resignation. A feeling of “there’s not enough time” and “it’s almost over!” A subtle depression would seem to settle in and permeate everything like the humidity in Chicago. Summer is ending and there’s nothing we can do about it! All those things that you planned on doing this summer that you still haven’t done?

Such as...

-Go for a picnic by the lake/ocean
-See a concert at Ravinia/Hollywood Bowl
-Plant a garden
-Get a tan
-Lose 10 pounds
-Learn to speak Italian
-Run a 10K
-Organize a family reunion
-Read 5 new books
-Take a vacation

Yes? Well, you only have a few weeks to get them done. How does that make you feel? Stressed? Pressured? Resigned? Depressed? Perhaps?

This is what I call August Blues. And this August Blues is more noticeable to me now than ever. It's hard to miss it being back in the Midwest as the leaves are already beginning to change! I know. I'm sorry to have to point it out. But the above image is a picture I took yesterday of a tree at my dad & stepmom's house. See? The yellowing of the leaves. Change.

Also, on August 10th I add another number to my age. This is the first time in my entire life that I'm having a bit of an issue with that. Why? I don't know. Maybe because I'm feeling it for the first time. The number. The age. The change... aches in joints. Grey hairs. You know... I'm deeper into my thirties. And I know I should appreciate it. Because I'll never be this young again. Right? Ah... well, it is just a number. But it adds to the August Blues.

And my brother- who is in high school- has a serious case of the August Blues. To him, August not only means the end of summer but also the start of school. The end of freedom, the beginning of structure.

Ah, but does structure really equal no-freedom? Lately, being in this perpetual state of transition, I’ve realized what I need is structure. With structure, I will actually feel free. But that’s another topic.

Since we’ve been here (Barrington,) we’ve definitely been a bit shell-shocked. Okay, a lot shell-shocked. A couple of deer-in-head-lights. And, yes, blue. Depressed-ish. Okay, depressed. At times.

We lost our house. There’s no sugar-coating it. And we stepped off of an 11-month ordeal to this other world. This space of transition. Eleven months of a steady regime of adrenaline and anxiety... pushing air out of lungs. Fighting, running, working, thinking, worrying, struggling, struggling, struggling, creating... constantly.

It’s not that life stops, it changes. Like training for a marathon for months and months... then completing the marathon. The day after it’s like, okay, what now? For us it was like that. We were dangling off a very steep cliff, hanging by our fingernails and we finally let go...

Now what?

Well, to our amazement we discovered a safety net. A future. Two years on an island living rent-free. Amazing. But there’s still the here and now-- the recovery and rebirth. Though we would really love a week on a beach to rest, recuperate and just do nothing, that’s not in the cards. We still have learning to do and a future to build.

Someone recently asked us if the house on the island was a happy ending to our story. Bob’s response was, “It’s not an ending at all. It’s like one chapter closing and a brand new one opening.” There’s no ending. Only beginning. Anything can be looked at that way. August may represent the end of the summer... but first of all, it’s not over yet. There’s still an entire month. It isn’t over until it is. Until September.

And even then, when one thing ends, another begins. September represents the beginning of the fall. And a new school year. A new fiscal quarter. A new look. A new outlook?

On August 1st Bob and I got up and went for a run. (I’ve been running again and it feels great.) In realizing that it was August 1st, I decided rather than let August just happen (the way July did) I would have a say in the way it goes. Each day I will go further than the last. In my daily runs & in my life. Day in and day out. We will put ourselves out there. Going a bit further each day. Building momentum.

Instead of the Blues August will be a rock ‘em sock ‘em, pedal to the metal momentum building month.

My motto for August: HOLD NOTHING BACK!

What’s yours?