What is Home?

We've been thinking a lot about home lately. I wrote in one of my posts that a house is not a home without love. Well, what is a home without a house?

One of the quotes on the Airstream website is: "Home is where you are."

We tend to agree.

Speaking of Airstream, we've been fantasizing about selling everything, moving into one and venturing out onto the open road... towing our home behind us. It would be a mobile live/work space. And it would be fabulous. We'd see things we'd never seen before, we'd be free and the great American outdoors would be our 'backyard.' That's the fantasy.

The reality is that we can't afford to buy an Airstream (new or used) but if Airstream were to say give us one (I said it was a fantasy, didn't I?) well...

The idea of selling everything and paring our lives down to the absolute bare minimum is thoroughly appealing and equally frightening. I say I don't want to be attached to the material, but am I capable of living in a 200 square foot space? Am I cut out for that? On one hand it seems perfect. Bob can work anywhere as long as he has wifi and I can write anywhere. We could live almost anywhere. We could, as the Airstream motto goes, SEE MORE, DO MORE, LIVE MORE!

And I do love the design of the Airstream. So sleek. And you can do almost anything-- including solar-pimping. You can be eco-friendly. Check this out:


The Portable Planet-Friendly Home at Sprig

It seems like the perfect thing to do now while we have the chance because when else are we going to be so displaced without a plan? It could be our best chance to raise the anchor and be vagabonds for a bit. No matter where go we know we'll be working extremely hard. This is the time for that. And how much space do we need for that? Another bonus about living in a tiny space: it's so much easier to clean. Right?

Could you do it? Would you? Anyone out there done it before and have some insight to share? Please do. Share away in the comments section. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

So will we end up in an Airstream or pop-up camper? I don't know. We've had lots of extremely generous offers from friends and family to stay with them for a while. And that's most likely where we'll head. Back to the Chicago area to stay with my family for a bit. Work our butts off to make something happen. Then either rent an apartment back in L.A. or buy an Airstream trailer and act out our nomadic fantasy.

For now, I surf the web and try to imagine a home on wheels.

Here's another one I found today on Inhabitat. It's a pretty amazing concept. Very Jetsons. And unfortunately it's still only a concept. Instead of popping up, it fans out and there's a weather-protective skin that stretches over the top.


Click HERE for more pictures of the Expandable Mobile Mini House.


Links:

The very fancy Design Within Reach trailer - Airstream

Airstream Trailer Serves Eco-Nomads - Cnet News

Small Space Ideas from an Airstream Trailer - Apartment Therapy

The Expandable Mobile Mini House - Inhabitat

"You're just having a moment."

“You’re just having a moment,” Mom says as I grip the steering wheel, suck the air for life and wail into the Bluetooth. She's right. I'm having a moment. A monumental moment. A moment of epic proportions. Months of many squelched moments stored up for this very big, very cathartic moment I am now having.

“Where are you now?” She asks, concerned.

I'm sitting on the 110 Freeway in rush hour traffic on my way home from work. I am a sight to behold as I cry like a child filled with despair beyond comprehension... my face contorted into a twisted mess of anguish. Eyes blinking through the haze of salty tears as I try desperately to 'keep my eyes on the road.' My bottom lip quivering as I try to hold the tsunami back.

“I’m in rush hour,” I blubber and somehow she understands.

“You’re driving?!”

I'm only going five miles an hour, I try to reassure between gasps and sobs. I’d been holding this back for a while. Months, maybe. But it all came bursting forth once everything became real. It was official. Countrywide, we just learned, was accepting the short sale offer and we have 30 days to be out of the house. For real. It's no longer theoretical. It's happening. We have to move. We have to pack up our house, our beautiful house that we love so much and move. But to where? We don't know.

"You can always live with us," Mom says. And this thought makes me incredibly grateful. I can't imagine what it would be like without the safety net of my family... offering a place to crash, to regroup. As long as they were there, we'd never be on the street. Moving back to my hometown to live with my family isn't in this moment what I want. It scares me. I'm afraid of how I'll feel. Missing life here. Missing our house. Going backwards in time.

Going back home for a few weeks, however, might be good. To regroup, to decompress, to mourn the loss of our house- our "foothold" on the American Dream. Visit with family, friends. It might be just what we need. For a few weeks. A month or two. But I don't want to get too comfortable there. And I think that's what scares me. Loss of forward momentum.

Mom understands this. She gets it. She tells me that it's perfectly normal for me to be feeling this way. She lets me cry. She tells me that the next few weeks are going to be really hard while we pack up our house and say goodbye and figure out where we'll go... but that once we close the door and let go, things will get better. They'll be easier. It won't be so hard once we've moved on.

I know she's right. But I really don't like this part.

"I know," she tells me, "I don't either. And there's nothing I can fix right now. All I can do is listen."

This makes me cry more. Out of gratitude.

Thank you, Mom. Everything you said was just what I needed to hear. Thank you for letting me cry or, as you said, have my 'moment.' Thank you for trusting us and not being afraid for our future. Thank you for believing that the moment would pass. As it has. I don't know what I'd do without you.

Now that it's been several days since my 'moment,' I can see both the victory and the opportunity. Our goal was to avoid foreclosure. And we did. (fingers crossed that we make it through escrow) In this crazy mess of our lives, it is something to celebrate. On May 19th when we close we can say with certainty: We did it! We avoided foreclosure.

And we found a buyer who truly loves this house. He will take care of it. He'll be a good neighbor. He'll enjoy living here as much as we have. I know. I could see it in his eyes when he was here. He's already mentally moved in. This is a good thing.

As I write this I listen to the sounds of our house-- the irrigation system, birds chirping and the distant hum of the 5 Freeway. This has been our life, our home and now it's not. We've loved here, and we've hurt. We've come apart and back together. We've been wounded and healed. We've become better people. We've learned big lessons. And now we're ready for what's next. Whatever that may be.

We may be starting over, but we're starting over with so much more in our 'arsenal.' We take these lessons with us. And as Bob said the other morning while we were taking Pablo for a hike in Elysian Park:

"Wherever we go... we'll improve."

Back to basics, how to cut through red tape and can thinking like your grandma really save the environment?

Good morning, everyone! Traffic's humming, garbage trucks are beeping and the birds are chirping... it must be Earth Day in L.A. (This picture, by the way, is not L.A. This is where I go in my mind when I'm stressed-- The Abacos.)

Anyway...

Today I have a collection of links to share and I'll kick the first one off in honor of Earth Day (I know, I know. EVERY day is Earth Day.)

1. It's time to live green (without spending too much of it)! by Ashley Fielding/ GainesvilleTimes.com

I love the perspective in this article. I've been thinking about it a lot lately-- how our 'new' economy might actually force a return to the basic concept of "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle." Humans are motivated more by money than anything else. Nobody has money to waste anymore. The limitation of resources could actually shift us collectively towards a more 'green' way of living... not for altruistic reasons, but financial. And I say, hey, whatever it takes.

Here's an excerpt:

But just because you can’t afford a Prius does not mean that living “green” and saving money are mutually exclusive pursuits. In fact, the recession might just be an opportunity to reconsider your lifestyle choices, Hall County Extension Agent Debbie Wilburn said. And in most cases, making environmentally-sound choices can save money, said Cindy Reed, director of Keep Hall Beautiful.

Keep Hall Beautiful holds to the old adage of reduce, reuse and recycle, but Wilburn calls it getting back to the basics. In a nutshell, if you want to save the environment, buy less and think like your grandmother, Wilburn said.

“My grandmother didn’t generate nearly the trash that most people do now,” Wilburn said.

My grandma always saved leftovers and encouraged us to use no more than 2 squares of toilet paper. I could never get on board with the two squares concept, but she made her point. What did your grandma teach you?

2. Congressmen help constituents cut through red tape in tough times by Dana Bash/ CNN.com

It works! When we reached our breaking point with Countrywide thanks to the endless runaround, I got on the phone and just started making calls. I called our Congresswoman, the Department of Treasury and Governor Schwarzenegger's office. It was the Governor's office that finally helped us cut through the red tape.

If you're in foreclosure or pre-foreclosure and are trying to negotiate a modification with the bank, but aren't getting much response (if any) it certainly can't hurt. Call everyone: Your Congressperson, Senator, Governor, Councilmember... Just keep reaching out. It worked for us. And for the people mentioned in this article. It might work for you too.

3. Thy Neighbor's Mortgage by Randy Cohen/ NewYorkTimes.com

I read this article on my lunch break and found the perspective rather poignant. Of course, I agree with the thesis. Here's an excerpt:

Some people do take extravagant chances with other people’s money. We call them hedge fund managers and we reward them lavishly. Ours is an age that glorifies risk-taking entrepreneurs. (Or did until five minutes ago.) It seems inconsistent to condemn that trait in a home-buyer, particularly when rapidly rising housing prices promised big profits to all. Home ownership itself has been exalted as a national virtue, an essential element of the American Dream. It would be odd to suddenly scorn those who chased that dream, albeit a bit too vigorously, and assisted by those financial steroids, the subprime mortgage.

What do YOU think? Agree? Disagree? Why? (Make sure to read the full article)

4. This I Used to Believe This American Life episode 378

I can't get enough of This American Life and I especially loved this one. Act 1 is especially timely and appropriate to "Love in the Time of Foreclosure." A little synopsis for ya:

Act One. Scrambled Nest Egg.

One day in January Alex French got a call from his mom, saying that she’d been laid off. A few hours later she called to say that so had his dad. Alex takes a trip to Massachusetts to see how his parents are getting by since entering unemployment for the first time, in his father’s case, in 30 years. (9 minutes)

Listen via Podcast: This I Used to Believe on Thislife.org
(Ira Glass, you are a radio god... even though you don't believe in God.)

Happy Earth Day, everyone. Go wind energy!

FREE BEN & JERRY'S TODAY- APRIL 21

It's really, really hot in L.A. today.... the perfect kind of day for FREE ice cream. But really, free ice cream is good any day, any place as far as I'm concerned. It's especially sweet when it's free... especially when you're short on money like me.

Today is Ben & Jerry's annual FREE ice cream cone day!

Ben & Jerry's

(Just thought I'd share)

No Shame in Selling Short

Our house was recently appraised by the bank for so much less than we ever would have imagined a year ago. Even just six months ago. It's hard to believe how much the market has changed... slowed. To a demoralizing halt. Well, everything is shifting. And it's going to take some time for it all to click into place in this new economic paradigm. For now, change is the paradigm. Transition.

What we're seeing now more than ever before is (as I wrote in my earlier post today) we are SO not alone.

We weren't "victims" of greedy lenders or overextending ourselves on a subprime mortgage. No, that wasn't us. We put 20% down on a 30-year fixed. We had the income. Then it went away. Poof. Then the market changed. Dramatically. And we couldn't sell our house for full-price. Couldn't pay the mortgage, couldn't sell the house. Double whammy. And we are where we are. And it is (as Bob has been saying a lot lately) as it is.

We've had over seven months to come to grips with our own situation. The shame, failure and embarrassment we felt at the beginning is long gone. There's just no time to indulge in all of that. AND.... it's happening all over the place- to all tax brackets. The people who did get subprime mortgages, those who overextended themselves, those victims of irresponsible lending, both the expected and unexpected, people in cookie cutter subdivisions in the Inland Empire and people in luxurious mansions in Hancock Park.

Speaking of luxurious mansions in Hancock Park, I found this example on Curbed LA today very interesting:

-Harry Warner Hancock Park Estate Now A Short Sale - Curbed LA

You Are Not Alone... And Neither Are We (Thank You)

We began this blog with the desire to help other people who might be in a similar situation- buried under a seemingly insurmountable debt, fighting foreclosure, struggling with unemployment, feeling alone, demoralized and looking for a way to rise above it all. The more we hear from readers that our honesty makes a difference for them, the more passion we have for this project.

Our goal is to help as many people as possible by sharing our experience.

Foreclosure doesn't have to be the end of something. It can truly be the beginning.

That's what this blog is about.

If you're someone who connects with our message, there are ways you can help us:

Look to the toolbar on the right...

You can now

DIGG IT

and

STUMBLEIT

You can also become a "follower". Please do. We would love that. Or you can simply pass it along to someone you know who would benefit from our reading our story.

We know how lonely all of this can feel. But you are not alone.

Thanks for allowing this interlude in regular LITTOF blogging!

Thank you for reading and sharing!

Steph & Bob

The Governator Responds... canned-ly

Back in March I wrote to the Governor of California to ask for help in qualifying for the Housing Affordability and Stability plan. We were getting nowhere with Countrywide and I just began reaching out wherever I could. I sent him and e-mail and also called his office. The phone call was surprisingly successful and I blogged about that HERE.

I'd forgotten about the e-mail until a few days ago when I finally received a response. It's not that I expected more, it's just that... well, it's so unsatisfying. The canned message doesn't even come close to addressing our specific issue. I didn't make any 'suggestions' to the Governor. I asked for help. Please, Governor, help us save our house! And this e-mail is what came back in response:

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. I appreciate hearing suggestions from my fellow Californians on how we can improve our state.

California's future success depends on public leaders who welcome the contributions of the people. Adding your voice to this active and dynamic partnership is vital to the growth of our great state.

I also applaud your willingness to become involved in the issues facing California and encourage you to also contact the State Legislature with your suggestions and ideas. Contact information for your elected representatives, as well as information on Assembly and Senate legislation, can be found at the Official California Legislative Information website: www.leginfo.ca.gov.

Again, thank you for taking the time to write. I value the input of people who care about the future of California.

Sincerely,



Arnold Schwarzenegger

I'm not naive. I know this is all a Governor can do. Send a canned response. Maybe if I hand wrote my letter and sent it to his office it would have more effect. Maybe not. Probably not. I don't know. What do you think?

Waiting is Not Living... and Why I Wouldn't Want to Be Al Franken

Lately, I feel like I've just been waiting for things to happen. Waiting for the bank to decide on our short sale, waiting to be approved for a modification, waiting to hear back from multiple theatre companies on my plays... and it's driving me crazy. I'm trying not to wait around. I'm "trying" to let go and give it over to the universe and just keep living every day. "Trying" is one of my least favorite words. How do you just stop waiting and start living? How do you get that question out of your mind?

How, I wonder, is Al Franken doing with this? He has been waiting for a long time to be named the Senator of Minnesota. Since November. A lot has happened since November and still he's waiting. I suppose you could say that Norm Coleman has been waiting too. But a court just ruled in Franken's favor (check it out) and Coleman is appealing again... thus extending the wait. How is he not going crazy? What is he doing in this time? How do you live when you're waiting?

I don't think you do. I mean, I don't think you can. Waiting isn't living. It's suspension. It's forgetting to breathe. It's a clenched jaw. Restless sleep. The stiffness in my neck. Glazed eyes.

I don't know how you stop waiting. Maybe it has to do with breathing. Walking and breathing. Running hard and breathing. Sweating. Listening. And reaching out. Getting out of your own head and making a difference for someone else. I could start there. I keep thinking yoga would help. Yoga and volunteerism. This is a Zen thing, right? Chop Wood, Carry Water.

Get up away from the desk and take a short walk. Close the e-mail and don't check it for the rest of the day. Drink a glass of water. Call a friend or family member just to say hi. Be present in the conversation. Then back to the desk. Back to work. No longer waiting.

Well, it's worth a try.

-Al Franken

-Chop Wood, Carry Water

The Heavy

It's Monday... more important, it's APRIL 13th. Two days before tax day! For most people, this week is going to be a challenge. Yes. We love taxes, don't we? I suppose when the IRS owes YOU money, it's not so bad. But when you owe them... more than you can pay. Much more. Well...all you can do is put one foot in front of the other. File, be in communication, deal with what comes.

Being in communication has been our key through this entire ordeal. It's what helped us avoid the "charge off." Yep. We avoided it. Here's how.

A week ago, Bob got on the phone with our Realtor and together they called HER contact at National City. She has a contact there because she's been negotiating another short sale offer with National City. She wanted to get some information about the charge off and what it would mean for us from someone she knew to be rational. Her contact told her that indeed they could do this but that it would NOT impede the sale of our house. This was contrary to what the other National City person had told us. The one that had been threatening us. This person shall now be referred to as "The Heavy."

The Heavy told us that if we didn't pay them $645 by 9 PM, they would charge off our mortgage and we wouldn't be able to sell our house. This is a lie... we knew this now. Bob told her: well, that's not what we were just told by one of your negotiators. The Heavy fell silent. Most people don't verify. Most people fall for the threat. I suppose.

Bob asked her: Do you have our current phone number? They did not. But they did have a note saying that they should update it in their system. They just hadn't. Since December. Since December they had been calling our old number and leaving messages. In their mind, we were non-communicative. This is NEVER GOOD in a situation like this. It's infuriating that they completely ignored our note to update the number and were blaming us for their inability to reach us, but that's what they do. The burden is on us because we're the ones in financial trouble. We owe them money. They don't owe us anything. You do not argue with them. You accept responsibility and you explain your situation. Calmly. Nicely.

That's what Bob did. He nicely explained the whole story to The Heavy... and she listened. He told her how he had been making a very nice salary and then suddenly lost it, how it took us both several months to find jobs, how we have been working very hard to sell our house, how we've tried everything and how we have absolutely no money to pay the $645 just to hold off the charge-off for 30 more days...

He was calm. He explained. She listened. Then something crazy happened. She said:

"Okay, we're not going to charge-off the loan."

Um, okay. What? Really? Just like that?

Apparently the threat of the charge-off is a tactic they take when they fear their homeowners are on the verge of declaring bankruptcy. They pressure until they squeeze out what they can. They use fear. They scare you into thinking if you don't pay them, you are screwed royally. They want you the think that the only answer is to pay them. They're trying to put themselves into the "First" position when they're in the second. The second has no real bargaining power, so they threaten. They bring in The Heavy. They make you think that not only will you not be able to sell your house, you'll be marked for 7 years AND taken to court for every penny.

Hearing our story, she realized that we weren't who she thought we were.

The next thing she said was even more interesting. She told Bob that if for whatever reason the short sale fell through or if we decided not to go through with it we qualify for a MODIFICATION where they would take the late payments and money owed, put it on the back end of the loan and drop our monthly payment 50% for 2 years. 50% for TWO YEARS.

This points to just how crazy this process has been. Had this been offered to us in the Fall when we first started asking for modifications, we would never be so far under water. None of it makes sense. And this modification means nothing, unless Countrywide is willing to do the same. So Bob called our contact at Countrywide, told them what National City was willing to do and requested that they do the same. Our contact said she have our case reviewed to see if it was possible and would get back to us by the end of the week. We called on Friday when we didn't hear back from her and left a message. We're still waiting. We're not holding our breath, but it was worth asking. You, obviously, really never know. One second The Heavy is threatening to ruin us and the next she's offering to save us.

Where does this leave us today?

Well, this weekend we signed more documents. Another offer. This will be the 2nd we submit to the bank. This means the bank now has two offers to review and consider. They choose the one that looks the most solid. Or neither. It's up to them entirely. We just keep doing what we're doing. Taking each day as it comes and continue to be in communication.

Today, The Clash is in my head.

A little ditty we sing to our lenders:

Always tease tease tease
You’re happy when I’m on my knees
One day is fine, next day is black
So if you want me off your back
Well come on and let me know
Should I stay or should I go?

Fear of the Unknown Creates Fear of the Unknown

On the home page on the New York Times website yesterday was a story titled:

RECESSION ANXIETY SEEPS INTO EVERY DAY LIVES

It began talking about a woman who had not lost her job but was so afraid she MIGHT that...

She “could not stop reading every single economic report,” was so “sick to my stomach I lost 12 pounds” and “was unable to function,”...

Here's the thing... it's true. People ARE freaking out about the possibility of losing everything. At least once a week one co-worker of mine asks me about our house and then tells me: "I want you to tell me more about foreclosure because I'm afraid I'll end up there too."

Whenever I tell people more about foreclosure I include the fact that it's not the end of the world. We're viewing this as an opportunity. An opportunity to live with less. To, as my dad would say, "Get religion" about our finances. To rearrange our priorities and live like we promised each other when we first got married when we promised to NEVER BE ATTACHED TO MATERIAL POSSESSIONS. This is our moment. And we're taking it.

I understand the fear. Completely. I've been there. I still go there. And I'm most gripped by fear when I'm fretting over the unknown. Waiting for something to happen is not easy. Waiting for the bank to approve our short sale offer, waiting to find out where we'll go next. Will we be able to stay in L.A.? Will we be able to rent an apartment? Will we end up in my mom's basement? I'll start worrying over the mistakes we made to lead us here and the ones that we have yet to make in the future. And I'll get that feeling in my chest. Like there's a little man in there trying to stand up.

The anxiety is not usually about what is actually happening, though. Because, yes, we're in 'danger' of being tossed out onto the streets. But, no.... we are not on the streets yet. We're in our house, actually. I go to work, come home and sit by the fire with Bob and read. It's really quite lovely. I get up early to write or do some research and I have this beautiful view to enjoy. This is where we are NOW and if we worry about where we might be in the future, we'll miss it.

Nine months ago is when this all began. That's when Bob lost his job and we knew without a back-up plan for his income, we were in trouble. Neither of us wanted to sell the house. Everything was unknown... and the fear and anxiety was definitely worse then than it is now. What the hell would happen to us? Well, we didn't know then, but many of our 'worst case scenarios' would come to pass. The house didn't sell at full price and instead sat on the market through many reductions for over 7 months where it still sits. We didn't get jobs right away. It took me 3 months and Bob 4 months. Our bank account rested in negative territory for a couple of weeks at the lowest point. And we're now selling the house in short sale with the hope of avoiding foreclosure.

Having gone through all of that I can honestly say that the fear of losing everything is definitely worse than actually losing everything. Once you're in it... you realize it's not that bad. You tap into resources you never knew you had. You surprise yourself. You realize you can handle it. Anything that comes your way. And when you turn the worst case scenario into the greatest opportunity, you give yourself a lot more room to breathe.

A TIP: If you're freaking out about the possibility of losing everything to the point that you're just 'waiting' for it to happen... stop doing that. Easier said than done? Perhaps. But actions help. Any action. I started this blog. That helped. A lot. It's a way to focus my thoughts every day. When I feel that anxiety I think next of the blog. And it reminds me to find the opportunity.

ANOTHER TIP: Stop reading every single economic report! Right now. Instead, listen to music. Read poetry. Or read a horror novel, it doesn't matter. Go for a walk or a run. Do some yoga. Play some basketball. Go bowling. Enjoy the people around you. Cook a meal. Whatever. Just stop. For the love of god. Stop reading every single economic report.

HOUSE UPDATE-- I forgot to mention in my posts about the weekend that we received a 2nd short sale offer. We countered it and are waiting for a response. The appraisal is happening today.

SUNDAY: We're Open for Business

We haven't had an Open House in a while. We were having them every Sunday through the fall but we got burned out. It didn't seem to be working and it was a lot of effort and disruption in our lives. The reason we decided to have one yesterday is because we haven't yet had one since we dropped the price and we would like to get a better offer to submit to the bank.

All the rules are different when it comes to short sales. We are actually allowed to continue accepting offers while the bank reviews our packet. They'll take the best offer submitted. The cleanest and strongest. This means, best credit, most money down, etc. Our current offer is low and they're asking for a lot more than usual back in closing costs. This might deter our lender. And we're doing everything in our power to avoid foreclosure.

We cleaned from 8AM to 11AM non-stop. The house looked amazing when we were finished. Bob was on his hands and knees polishing the hard wood floors. We cleaned places we hadn't seen in a long time.

It was a great day for the views too. So clear you could see the snow-capped mountains in the distance. The house was stepping it up, it seemed.

The Open House went well. 25 people came through. We've had more on previous Open Houses, but in this market that is still solid. According to our Realtor, there was a lot of interest and people were very impressed. This usually the case, so it doesn't really mean anything and doesn't always translate into an offer. But we're hoping it will. Everyone knows the situation. It's a short sale. The bank is already reviewing one offer, so if you really want the house, you need to submit a good, clean offer.

Now it's Monday. It's good to wake up to a clean house.

SATURDAY: YES, we STILL live here.

So it's Saturday and it's beautiful. Blue skies, somewhere in the low 70s, Michigan State is on their way to the Finals. Go Spartans. My mom went there and I grew up cheering for them too.

I'm outside enjoying the day, on the phone with my sister about to get some work done in the vegetable garden when I hear someone at our gate. I look up and see feet. I hear voices. And then the Supra key in action.

Oh crap!

I run inside.

"Bob! Someone's here! Do we have a showing?!"

He runs interference while I hide inside. The house is a mess. The Open House is Sunday and we haven't started cleaning yet. If we have a showing, no one told us.

Bob's talking to the woman. I can't hear what he's saying. I'm running around the house frantically putting things away in case he decides to let her in to see the house.

Thankfully he doesn't.

"What was that all about?"

"She was just gonna come in!!"

Not again. Not another one. This has happened before. This is why we took the lock box off the door. One weekend I had just finished walking naked from the shower to the bedroom to get dressed when an agent opened our FRONT DOOR and tried to parade his clients through our house WITHOUT AN APPOINTMENT! Yeah.

So here we were again. Luckily this one was stopped at the gate and we were all fully-clothed. Bob asked her if she had an appointment and she said that yes, and her clients were on their way. He clarified and asked, "No, do you have an appointment with US? Did you call our agent?" Blank stare. He pointed out the fact that on the MLS instructions it say that you must make an appointment 24 hours in advance.

This was her response: "Oh, you still live here?"

No. We just leave our car in the driveway and garden on the weekends and hang out and let our dog run around and sleep here and eat here and work here, but we don't live here anymore.

YES, WE STILL LIVE HERE. Hello.

So we now we have a sign. It says:

SHOWN BY APPOINTMENT ONLY!!!

DO NOT DISTURB TENANTS!!!

We'll see if that works.

If it doesn't, we could always take the advice of one of our friends and add the friendly touch of an NRA sticker to the sign. Hmmm...

FRIDAY: Charge THIS off!

It’s almost time to go home for the weekend when I see the e-mail from our Realtor: National City is still trying to “charge off” our 2nd mortgage.

And it all gets real again. Suddenly there’s a queasiness in my stomach. A tightness in my throat. Shit, shit, shit.

National City is saying that we won’t “take” their calls. What? Every single time we call them we give them our phone number and we haven’t received a single voice mail from them. How is it that we’re not taking their calls? What about the messages we’ve left THEM to discuss the possibility of a charge off?! And what the heck is a charge off again?

A charge off is basically them looking at the money we owe them and charging it ‘off’ like a bad credit card debt. They would report our unpaid mortgage as a loss for tax purposes. It would be on our record as a “bad debt” for 7 years and they could (according to them) come after us for the money in court. It feels like we’re f’d. We were hoping to work this all out through the short sale, but they are not interested.

Now my day is about this. And all the things we're doing wrong, all the ways we've messed up, all the money we owe and all the money we've lost. This shouldn’t be happening, right? Why is it? Well, the charge off is happening because we haven’t paid National City in six months. That’s why. And they’re worried they won’t get any money from us. In December we let them know that we were pursuing the short sale. This makes no difference.

National City has given us an ultimatum. We have until Monday at 9PM Eastern to pay them $645.00 to ‘forestall’ the charge off for 30 days... or else. Or else they're charging it off. Okay. So it’s a threat. We don’t have the $645.00 to keep them at bay. It feels like they’re just trying to shake us down to get whatever they can right now. They’re not interested in any money from the short sale and, they threaten that with the charge off we won’t be able to go forward with the short sale. This might actually not be a lie. They do have a lien against the house and it needs to be released in order the buyers to have clear title. Hmmmm.... throat tightens, stomach churns, head spins. We REALLY need to call that attorney.

It’s been 7 months and it doesn’t get easier. We need to confront all of this head-on and I keep thinking it will get easier each time but it doesn’t. I keep wanting life to be normal. But it's not. Well, it is. It's just that our normal is different now than it was before.

So we need to call an attorney, we need to explore the benefits of bankruptcy in regards to our situation, we need to sort this out with National City, we need to call the foreclosure department at Countrywide to make sure they know we have a short sale offer so that they forestall the foreclosure since one department doesn’t know what the other is doing…

And I’m at work. And it’s tax season. And month end. When the heck am I supposed to make all these calls?!

Breathe.

On the way home I call Bob. He calms me down. It’s going to be okay. We’ll figure this all out. He already spoke to our neighbor (who knows all about bankruptcy. He's getting some information together for us) and did some research on charge-offs. He’ll handle the call with National City on Monday and one of us can call Countrywide then.

Just breathe.

We made it to the weekend.

Update: Short Does Not Mean Fast

SHORT SALE = to sell your house for less than it is worth.

We are in a "short sale" situation at the moment. We have submitted the SHORT offer (short in terms of money) to the bank with our Short Sale Packet for approval.

SHORT SALE PACKET = Letter of hardship, last two months of pay stubs, 2 most recent bank statements and some other stuff

The bank is in the process of reviewing the packet and the offer. This can take up to two months, but things are moving faster in our situation. This is due to the fact that I managed to establish contact with the Office of the President at Countrywide. Things move a bit faster in that office.

The next step is the appraisal. The bank has already contacted us to let us know that will be happening. In a short sale situation you are allowed to submit more than one offer and the lender will go with the highest one. This means that we are still showing the house.

The daily cleaning frenzy continues. I've been so busy lately and Bob has really been picking up my slack in the cleaning department. (Thanks, honey!)

We had a showing yesterday and we have another today.

Sunday we're doing an open house.

While we would love to get a higher offer and one a bit more solid, we're hoping the bank will move on the submitted short sale offer and just accept it. Because at this point, it doesn't really matter to us what the sale price is (except that we really don't want to contribute to declining housing values in our neighborhood) because we're losing our full investment in the house anyway.

That's the long and the short of it.

Music in the Time of Foreclosure

A friend and reader of LITTOF wrote me recently to share a song. A little bit of times-appropriate music.

This is the chorus from “Danny’s Song” written by Kenny Loggins. I think we all know this song, yes? Let’s sing:

And even though we ain't got money
I'm so in love with ya, honey
And everything will bring a chain of love
And in the mornin' when I rise
You bring a tear of joy to my eyes
And tell me, everything is gonna be alright

Doesn’t that make you feel better? It works on me. Lately I’ve been curbing my NPR and Air America addiction and choosing music instead. Why? Because listening constantly to news about how awful things are out there does not make me feel better. I keep up on the news, but I don’t need to be surrounded by it constantly. We live in a house that’s a statistic in this crisis. I’m reminded of our foreclosure status on a daily basis. What I really need is some good tunes.

I thought I’d start a list of “Music in the Time of Foreclosure”… songs that speak to “difficult times” and have an inescapable ‘cheering up’ power.

I have only just begun and these are all off the top of my head and in no particular order…

“Here Comes the Sun” - The Beatles (written by George Harrison)
This one is obvious. I love the Beatles.

“Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright” - Bob Dylan
Okay, so it’s a break-up song. But there’s hope. Hard times. And hope. It fits. (and it’s a great song.)

“Suite Judy Blue Eyes” – Crosby, Stills & Young (written by Stephen Stills)
I’m including this one because of the pain to hope quotient. Lots of pain with a good dose of hope. It also has one of my favorite lyrics: Don’t let the past remind you of what you aren’t right now.

“Lucky” by Jason Mraz
Okay, yes, I sing this to Bob. Often. Please don’t throw tomatoes at me. Here’s the chorus:

Lucky I’m in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again

“Float On” – Modest Mouse
Makes me want to dance. It’s kind of like this decade’s “Don’t Worry Be Happy”… but a lot more whimsy. Bob pointed out to me that it means it doesn't matter what happens because we're all going to die anyway.
"Float On" = die? I don't know. Maybe.

Bob's interpretation: Don't worry, we're all going to die.
My interpretation: Don't worry, it'll all be alright.

The same? Or opposite? I guess that depends too.

So, what songs would you add to the list?

I had a friend tell me once that Ani Difranco’s Dilate album gave her the insight and power to kick her dysfunctional relationship to the curb and carried her through the pain of that break-up to the other side. That’s some powerful music.

So, Music in the Time of Foreclosure. What are we looking for?

Songs that speak to difficult times that have hope and the power to uplift.

- What songs have gotten you through hard times?
- What songs make you feel better about humanity?
- What songs make you smile no matter how depressed you might feel?

Send 'em in! I want to hear!

Leave your song suggestions in the comments section. Pretty please. Thank you!


Pop Music Reflects on Hard Times - Washington Post