The Face of Foreclosure- Part 2

"The Inquisition"

Just a quick recap:
I experience darkest moment of whole foreclosure experience which leads to a day of recovery in the form of movie watching. We've just finished KUNG FU PANDA and I'm feeling a little better thanks to that delightful film. Now I'm ready for public. At least I think I am. I think it will be good for me to get up off the couch, shower, make a salad and eat smoked ribs with other human beings. This, I believe, I can handle.

And on with the story:
I'm now at the BBQ, picking the meat off said ribs and telling a couple of friends how we are planning a sale to sell everything. I know I shouldn't bring it up. My goal was to NOT talk about the house. I'm still feeling on the verge of tears. Feeling "leaky," as it were. But I bring it up because, well, I just... they're offering to help. So I say, "Thank you. That would be great!" and that's the end of that. Next topic. Something more cheerful, please?

But, someone had been listening. And decided to join the conversation. Not a terrible crime. It is a BBQ. We're all friends of friends. But I don't know this person and I really don't want to talk to strangers about our financial disaster. It's my own fault. I shouldn't have brought it up. "You're selling everything?" he asks. We'll call him Bud. Do I really have to answer him?

ME: Yes.
BUD: Why?
ME: Um, well...(would it be rude to say I really don't want to talk about it?)
BUD: Are you moving?
ME: Yes.
BUD: Why?
ME: Well, we're selling our house.
BUD: Why?
ME: (oh my freaking lord) Why?
BUD: It's a terrible time to sell. It's the worst time to sell.
ME: Yes, I know.
BUD: Then why?
ME: Because we have to.
BUD: Why?
ME: (seriously?!?!) Because we can't afford it anymore.
BUD: Why?
ME: (speechless)
BUD: Can't you rent it out?
ME: (is this really happening right now?!) No. That won't work.
BUD: Oh. What about refinancing? You should try that.
ME: We did.
BUD: You did?
ME: (getting pretty pissy now) We tried everything. (period. end of conversation.)
BUD: But you really shouldn't sell now if you can--
ME: (cutting him off... ripping off the band-aid) We're in foreclosure!

Suddenly all eyes at this big, long table are on me. Followed by a chorus of:

"Ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh."
(Which translates to: how sad, you poor thing, glad that's not me, yikes, etc.)

ME: Yeah.

Just then Bob returns with beverages. A beer for himself (homemade by the host!) and a Mexican Coke for me. What makes it Mexican? It's imported. From Mexico. And it's awesome. It's way better than American Coke. Why? It has Sugar Cane instead of High Fructose Corn Syrup and it always comes in a glass bottle. It's a classy choice by our host to provide Mexican Coke. Classy.

BOB: How's it going?
ME: Oh, fine. Thanks for the Coke! (I turn to my friends) Look! Mexican Coke!

I am desperate for anything else to talk about.

FRIEND: What's Mexican Coke?

So I explain. With relish and great detail. I'm grateful for this new conversation. To have something so trivial to discuss. I am aware that Bud has turned his questions to Bob. I try not to listen. But I hear him fire away. And I hear Bob answer each one with great patience and generosity. Today I'm Doom and he's Hope.

Bob explains how he lost his job and... so this Mexican Coke is so good, right? It's pretty sweet, but better flavor and better for you. Right?

Okay, the thing is... this is exactly why we started this blog. Why? To answer people's questions. To pull back the curtain. There are a lot of people who are terrified that our experience will become their experience. They're afraid the same thing will happen to them and we have been willing to share our experience to hopefully make a difference for others. It was our choice to do this. To become the walking face of foreclosure.

Bob tells me later that Bud's questions were coming from his own fear. He and his wife had just bought a house and she had apparently just lost her job. Our reality is his biggest fear right now. Bob said that he seemed really negative about their situation so he was trying to leave them with some hope.

I get it. People want to know what they can do to NOT end up like us. And they want to know what it's like in case they do. Like a former co-worker of mine. At least once a week he would say to me, "I want you to tell me more about foreclosure because I'm afraid we'll end up there soon."

So, if there are any readers out there with the same fears.... I hope this blog helps. I hope you learn from our mistakes. I hope we leave you with some hope. I hope you don't spend too much time worrying. I hope you don't let your fears (like I did on Sunday) possess you. And it's okay if you do. We get it. Trust me. We get it.

At this point I invite you to ask us questions.
What do you want to know? Ask anything.

You can do that in the comments section below.

Or send us an e-mail at:

loveinthetimeofforeclosure@gmail.com

Please. Ask away. That's what we're here for!


-Where to buy Mexican Coke? Costco of course [Serious Eats]

F is for Foreclosure

F is for a lot of things...

Like French Fries, for example. And Family, Fiscal responsibility, Fate, Flourish, Fear, Fritatta, Fold, Fumble, Flophouse, Friends, Feedback, Fun, Flashdance, Forecast, Forestall, Furniture, Fishbowl, Failure, Finance, Fire, Freedom and...

Foreclosure.

In today's mail, we received 7 more
NOTICES OF TRUSTEE'S SALE.

Seven. Enough to form an F.

As though the 12 total notices we've received via mail so far weren't enough, there was another posted on our garage door today for all the world to see.


We discovered it as we were leaving to see a movie-- an attempt to carve out a little bit of fun in this long weekend. We stepped out onto the driveway and there it was. In plain view. BAM! The thing that we've been trying desperately to avoid for months.

I tore it down immediately out of embarrassment. Hoping none of our neighbors would see. It wasn't until later in the day after having some time to cool down that I taped it back up for purposes of this photo.

How I felt? Like a big loser. Like a failure. And afraid.

Seeing that notice up there on our garage made it impossible to escape this reality. The last nine months have slowly been leading to this, I suppose. I just want to hide from it all. But... I can't. Because we're determined to see this through. To sell the house before the bank auctions it off. They may have set a date, but it doesn't mean this is over. The short sale is so close to being approved. Our Realtor keeps telling us not to worry. This week will determine everything. We should be in escrow by the end of the week and this auction date will go away. We just need to stay calm until then.

Regarding the Notice of Trustee's Sale on the garage door, my mom said, "It's just words on a piece of paper." And she's right. Words on a piece of paper. Letters that make up words. That spell foreclosure.




It's all a little too real right now.

(The top photo is my attempt at maintaining a sense of humor through all of this.)

The 'F' word we're yearning for: Freedom

Fear of the Unknown Creates Fear of the Unknown

On the home page on the New York Times website yesterday was a story titled:

RECESSION ANXIETY SEEPS INTO EVERY DAY LIVES

It began talking about a woman who had not lost her job but was so afraid she MIGHT that...

She “could not stop reading every single economic report,” was so “sick to my stomach I lost 12 pounds” and “was unable to function,”...

Here's the thing... it's true. People ARE freaking out about the possibility of losing everything. At least once a week one co-worker of mine asks me about our house and then tells me: "I want you to tell me more about foreclosure because I'm afraid I'll end up there too."

Whenever I tell people more about foreclosure I include the fact that it's not the end of the world. We're viewing this as an opportunity. An opportunity to live with less. To, as my dad would say, "Get religion" about our finances. To rearrange our priorities and live like we promised each other when we first got married when we promised to NEVER BE ATTACHED TO MATERIAL POSSESSIONS. This is our moment. And we're taking it.

I understand the fear. Completely. I've been there. I still go there. And I'm most gripped by fear when I'm fretting over the unknown. Waiting for something to happen is not easy. Waiting for the bank to approve our short sale offer, waiting to find out where we'll go next. Will we be able to stay in L.A.? Will we be able to rent an apartment? Will we end up in my mom's basement? I'll start worrying over the mistakes we made to lead us here and the ones that we have yet to make in the future. And I'll get that feeling in my chest. Like there's a little man in there trying to stand up.

The anxiety is not usually about what is actually happening, though. Because, yes, we're in 'danger' of being tossed out onto the streets. But, no.... we are not on the streets yet. We're in our house, actually. I go to work, come home and sit by the fire with Bob and read. It's really quite lovely. I get up early to write or do some research and I have this beautiful view to enjoy. This is where we are NOW and if we worry about where we might be in the future, we'll miss it.

Nine months ago is when this all began. That's when Bob lost his job and we knew without a back-up plan for his income, we were in trouble. Neither of us wanted to sell the house. Everything was unknown... and the fear and anxiety was definitely worse then than it is now. What the hell would happen to us? Well, we didn't know then, but many of our 'worst case scenarios' would come to pass. The house didn't sell at full price and instead sat on the market through many reductions for over 7 months where it still sits. We didn't get jobs right away. It took me 3 months and Bob 4 months. Our bank account rested in negative territory for a couple of weeks at the lowest point. And we're now selling the house in short sale with the hope of avoiding foreclosure.

Having gone through all of that I can honestly say that the fear of losing everything is definitely worse than actually losing everything. Once you're in it... you realize it's not that bad. You tap into resources you never knew you had. You surprise yourself. You realize you can handle it. Anything that comes your way. And when you turn the worst case scenario into the greatest opportunity, you give yourself a lot more room to breathe.

A TIP: If you're freaking out about the possibility of losing everything to the point that you're just 'waiting' for it to happen... stop doing that. Easier said than done? Perhaps. But actions help. Any action. I started this blog. That helped. A lot. It's a way to focus my thoughts every day. When I feel that anxiety I think next of the blog. And it reminds me to find the opportunity.

ANOTHER TIP: Stop reading every single economic report! Right now. Instead, listen to music. Read poetry. Or read a horror novel, it doesn't matter. Go for a walk or a run. Do some yoga. Play some basketball. Go bowling. Enjoy the people around you. Cook a meal. Whatever. Just stop. For the love of god. Stop reading every single economic report.

HOUSE UPDATE-- I forgot to mention in my posts about the weekend that we received a 2nd short sale offer. We countered it and are waiting for a response. The appraisal is happening today.