Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The Last Night (I can't wait to have nothing!)

This is a picture of all of our receipts from the big Estate Sale. Receipts and an empty room (almost empty.) It feels good now. Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel...

It’s 1:05 AM on Tuesday, June 30th. Closing day. The day we have to turn in our keys. Also, moving day. Driving cross-country day. I'm quite exhausted. So please forgive the randomness of this post. I just want to get it out.

Bob is asleep and I am gutting it out as long as possible. Trying to get us out of here by 11 AM.

How do I feel?

Over it. So many things at once. My feet ache so much from being on them all day. I got up at 6 and haven’t stopped except for the few minutes I took to cry on the kitchen floor. The crying came at a point of pure exhaustion and utter despair. We have been getting rid of stuff for the last three weeks and we’re still not done! Oh. My. Freaking God! At about 5 PM today I just gave in.

“I can’t do it. I can’t. I just can’t!” I cried to Bob.

“I know,” he said.

“We’ll never be done. Never. And we’re all alone!” I wailed a bit there. Then I said, “This is the worst day of my entire--,” I stopped myself. I knew what was about to come out of my mouth was far from true. A smile made it’s way onto my face. Acknowledging the absurdity of that statement. I looked at Bob through my salty tears. He was smiling at me. In that way. As if to say, “Really? The worst day?”

So I said it first, “Well, not really… but it feels that way. I know it’s not the worst. But it FEELS like the worst and definitely the longest.”

So. Here we are now. Bob asleep and me sitting here trying to capture the moment. I wanted to do a video blog but can’t figure it out. And I don’t have an internet connection. So I won’t be posting this until much later when Starbuck’s opens.

Bob’s plan is to get up at 4:30 AM (!) to go to Starbuck’s (where, again, they have a working internet connection) to work. My plan is to get rid of more stuff, pack more stuff and not sleep until it’s all done. Then I am calling 1-800-Gotjunk. I tried to book an appointment online, but… well, we’ve been over this. No connection.

Our driveway is a junkyard. See:




It’s hilariously obnoxious, don't you think? We just keep putting stuff out. Some of it went fast. Neighbors walking by, find gems in our junk. The whole one person's junk is another's treasure cliche. Honestly, I feel like a broken record but I am amazed at how much stuff we had that we didn’t even know we had. The stuff reproduces faster than gremlins somehow. It’s not a fair fight. I don’t know how it happens and I never want to go through this again. I never want stuff again!

I’m backing up a little. Back to my crying fit on the kitchen floor. Back to the moment I said, "And we're all alone!"

That has not been true through this entire process. We have been SURROUNDED by people supporting us and helping us every step of the way. I was just being dramatic. Venting. And once I got it out, who did I call but our friends. I called to say that we couldn’t go to their house for our goodbye dinner because we had too much to do and I’m having a nervous breakdown. Not 20 minutes later, 7 of our friends were here to help us and feed us! They rescued us. Our friends literally came to our rescue! You guys, we are so moved and RELIEVED by your support. Thank you, thank you, thank you. We have not been alone for a minute through this because of you. And because of the LITTOF readers. I'm not kidding. I feel you pulling for us.

Okay, back to the present. I smell pretty bad. Too much information? Well it's pretty late and I do. I’m a total disaster. My nose is all chapped from blowing it so much- from my cold and from crying. Speaking of crying, one of my friends looked at me and asked what was wrong with my glasses.

“Oh, those are tears.” I hadn't noticed them until I went to the bathroom and you could see a big salty streak across the right lens.

She called them projectile tears. And laughed. I guess it was ridiculous. I hadn’t even bothered to wipe them clean. “Oh, Stephanie,” said another friend, “Please let me clean those for you.” And he did. Which was a good thing. I could see better and I didn’t look so ridiculous after that.

Okay. The sunset was absolutely gorgeous tonight. Here are a couple of pictures. Our last sunset:





What now?

Back to work… while I have the energy. And tomorrow we hope to be on the road by 11. I will continue to blog along the way so please check for updates.

You can get LIVE updates on Twitter. I plan to be quite active there as long as I’m not driving.

L.A. to Denver
Denver to Humbolt, Iowa (Bob’s hometown)
Humbolt, Iowa to Barrington, IL (to our new temporary home in my mom and stepdad’s basement)

Then...? Something very exciting. Our next adventure. A blank slate. Nothingness. A beautiful thing.

8 Comments:

bejaypea said...

I have to clean my own glasses now. love you guys

Love in the Time of Foreclosure said...

I'm wearing contacts today.

Kim Hooper said...

I'm thinking of you guys SO MUCH!! The receipts image is so beautiful, in a way. I feel excited and sad for you, simultaneously. I'm sorry I couldn't get up there to see you before you leave. Please stay in touch!! Love to you guys!

Jennifer said...

Dang it. I didn't grab a tissue before reading. Your post continue to stir such emotions -- sadness, happiness, excitement, exhaustion. Safe travels while rollin' across the states. Post some pictures of your journey -- you are going to see so much beauty!!

Holly said...

Endless possibility, steadfast companionship, and the freedom to voice your heartfelt thoughts to the world. What more does a girl need?

Thank you for being so open and honest about your experiences. It's all too easy to relate. I look forward to reading the next chapters...

Happiness straight ahead :-)

Carol said...

Thank you so much for sharing your journey with everyone. I've been reading your story since March, and it's made my own jobless, near moneylessness easier to deal with.
I wish you all the best on your trip back East! May it be safe, and filled with positive adventures for you to tell us all about (hint!).

babychef said...

Need anything in Denver? My sister lives there. Let me know. She'll be in Chi from Sat til I think Monday.

See..I know what you mean. Again, when I was cleaning/leaving LA, I finally found myself in my apartment, all alone, and wondering how I was going to get through it. Seems crazy that it's five yrs. later already.

That being said, it's funny, because I'm jealous of your road trip! So have a great time driving.

davew said...

I'm very glad to see your friends rally and support you. You've been an inspiration to the anonymous throngs who follow LITTOF, and I'm sure you are to them as well. Thanks for sharing your very difficult story and hang in there - we're all wishing you the best!

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